Shed some light
  Upon this room
  The dust and cobwebs
  Have become her dress

The mirror kisses her
  From head to toe
  Poison the hours
  The sleeping beds creak



You stood under the rain
   Drops glimmering like diamonds mocked
   Under the sturdy lamp posts
   I shivered in my place
   A familiar quiver danced on my spine
   I was afraid to see you again
   I witnessed you weep and wither
   As I mourned and broke -
   Your shadows were the same
   Your face resembled the photograph
   But contrary to your beliefs
   Of what is black and white
   Your eyes were of deep gray
   Like a forgotten cave, a sad pit
   Where things decayed to void

I took a step closer
   Reaching out a trembling hand
   You tried to reach over
   But the coldness that prevailed
   Made me take a step back
   I whispered to you,
   “Go back, it’s okay.
   I’m okay,”
   But still you stood in your place
   I felt my skin crawl -
   The rain poured harder
   I shouted a prayer
  "Please take him back!
   Let him be gone
   For he is not Jason!”
   The shadows disappeared
   So did the familiar face -
   I still remember his dead eyes
   And how I knew it was never him


One way to be free is to embrace the chains.

As I held you close, there was nothing different. But the warmth that passed on from your skin to mine made me know something new. Inside of you existed many universes of good things that I cannot grasp. As I take in your breaths and the life in your eyes, I can feel my flesh get a tad bit invincible in your presence. You make me want to laugh and cry that the indecisions leave my body baffled and warm. You are both simple and complex. Simple in a sense that I know I love you. Complex in the matter of the one, giant infinity you hold inside of you. With every whisper of a kiss, you let slip tiny secrets from it. It’s as sweet as a lullaby and fierce like the morning’s first yawn. You’re a star. Even the sun knows you’re its fragment.

(Source: )


Slow and steady
The shards came crashing
Slipping through cheek
Caressing the throat

The rain descends
Mixing through salt and saliva
Lips quiver and stutter
The night continues to howl

Lamps flicker and sing
To the flashing vehicular lights
Umbrellas dysfunctional
Footsteps lead to the bay

Bat an eyelid, a prayer to the wind
No place is safe and warm
A body plunges onto the gray -
Welcome home

got no wings to fly, just mere feathers. but dip those in ink, I’ll take flight through letters


cdtswa said: Prompt: just a smile

Kyle has always been a ruffian. Not knowing when to stay, heel or roll over, every possible command thrown his way would be responded to by being tackled to the ground. Kyle’s a handsome boy. His eyes were deep brown and gentle, contrary to his massive, white body that could pass as a mini-sofa. His fur felt like a blanket around my neck whenever he’d approach me to play. Holding his furry face close to mine packaged a saliva bath with it that reeked of dog biscuits. Others called him a wonderful dog. I called him a beautiful soul.

As I held him close last night, my vision was impaired from the tears. I embraced him and asked him about who would finish my cereals with me. He blinked, not being able to muster his signature puppy whines. Instead he placed his snowy, white paw on my hand. I kept rambling and talking to him. Kyle’s eyes were closing and every interval was getting longer.

Dr. Hugh said it was time. Kyle attempted to lick my face but only made it halfway. I lowered my cheek and he slowly stuck out his tongue, delicately planting his last kiss.

As I kissed my little boy on the forehead, I held his paw with both hands. I turned my back to Dr. Hugh. Kyle’s breaths were getting shorter. With a final look my way, Kyle stuck out his tongue and broke into a smile. My beautiful boy finally closed his eyes. After being in so much pain, Kyle mustered all his strength to smile my way, his own gentle way of telling me that it was okay for me to let go.

I held his limp body tighter, holding on a little longer.

Trouble came in in the form of an empty wallet today. I browse through newspapers, magazine clippings and online content for a living. only to find out that almost everyone is out in the world on a boat, airplane or on a bicycle, away from the cities they were used to. At least away from office desks and such. Here rests before mine is a bag of chips that is today’s lunch. I stood shakily on a train to work this morning, a routine that stole hours of everyday. Even weekends seemed like it wheezed its way to say hello through my thick curtains. It knew there was no point in visiting. I was also tormented with work even when I was nestled in between my sheets. Eventually breathing too became a chore. I swear I could almost see exhaled dust. Even my lungs are tired of the same air I breathe. The tireless clicking of keyboards and fingertips making love, shuffling of magazine and newspapers at the reception and the distant laughter of colleagues made me crave to be alone. Silence was music to my ears. While others found peace in the dancing of the waves, hearing my own heartbeat was mine. Everything is slowly turning to gray, like Midas Touch in reverse. I’m waiting for the hours to slip away like rain through the drain until I can feel him again. He is the ever-present warmth for my cold bones. Until then, let’s get to it, real world. Have at thee.


Friday doodle #FRIENDS #happy20years #bestshowever

cocoon of endless possibilities

I grasped the caress of light
   When I drifted and vanished
   In the darkness of chaos

In the cold and wintry selfishness
   It was then when warmth
   Came in the form of a hug

When I broke myself with a man
   I learned that love wasn’t about having
   But giving despite having nothing



It never bothered me that I liked her for who she was. Despite always wearing her hair short, she was often referred to as my twin for resembling each other a lot. She had the brightest eyes for miles and her smile spoke of bite-sized philosophies that eventually became my official guide to life. I have always known that I loved her. I have always known that she loved me.

I love to cook. I’m led by the inspiration of her and my love for all things with flavor that when we do see each other, I gift her with pasta or lasagna. She shamelessly gobbles it all up the moment she gets her hands on them even when we’re seated at the food court, prying eyes giving her an odd look.

She often told me that I looked beautiful and that my eyes resembled the cerulean sea. I smiled and thought of how hers reminded me of lighthouses, calm and my sole candle in the dark. She brushed my hair away from my face, her thumb caressing the peak of my cheek. She offered to drop me home tonight. I nodded, even if my heart knew it was best not to.

We parked the car outside my house. I refused to go in for a while. She kept a hand on my nape, her fingers running through my hair. My vision started to fool me. Everything started to swim. She cupped my face closer to hers and kissed my salty lips. I remembered her apologizing and wishing things were different. Words barely left my quivering lips, knowing that I won’t be seeing her for long.

Her phone started to vibrate. It was Kelly calling. She looked at me sadly and said she needed to go. As she answered the phone call, her voice changed. It sounded sweeter, affectionate and she mentioned something about cooking dinner and meeting her at home. I got out of the car and went straight for my door. I slammed it shut and wept. After a few minutes, I took a peek through the curtains, wishing she was still outside. Maybe, she still was. After wiping my eyes dry, I focused on the space where her car once was. My heart sunk.

Months passed and I haven’t heard from her since. I have posed questions upon myself that I soon grew tired fabricating answers for. Whenever I walked, I took tiny steps and felt lighter, as if the wind could whisk me off my feet and trap me in a tree. I wished someone could make me smile during those moments of mourning, anything at all, even if it was the saddest joke on earth. But it took more than willpower to overcome the death of a hoping heart. It was about summoning a different kind of strength that only came the next time I saw her.

I sat behind my cubicle at the office, working away with the numbers. An accountant’s life isn’t the best but it pays for my house and funds my yearly visit to Holland to visit my mother. With a desk spilling with piles of papers, used coffee mugs and large binders, it wasn’t enough to block my view of her. I had to rub my eyes and make sure it was her. She was talking to one of my colleagues whom I’m not close to. They seemed to be engrossed in a business conversation, pointing at the statistics and newsletters that were pinned on the office board. My colleague excused himself for a while and she was left alone. She knew someone was watching her that she looked up and met my gaze.

There was a look of surprise on her face but got distracted by a figure that appeared behind her. Kelly too was dressed in business casual clothing. I saw them looking over to see if my colleague was on his way back to converse with them. Thinking nobody was in sight, Kelly quickly planted a kiss on her lips. I resumed doing my work in peace as their footsteps left the office.

In that brief moment when our eyes met, everything that was once alive has rotted and died. She held the grave of the person whom I once loved. Our dreams together have turned to nothing but dusty, forsaken blueprints. It was then and there that I decided to throw in the remaining flowers I’ve had every time I wept for her.

It felt like the death of someone close to me the when she sped off that night. I’m glad that after so long, I was finally ready and said my goodbye.


Fly Me To The Moon

We sat there in silence, forking my way around the beans on my plate. The steak was delicious but I was trying to watch my weight. Alex smiled at me and said that I looked great in my red dress. I told him he looked great in his suit. As he bowed down to take a bite from his plate, even the slightest movement he makes already made him glow. I know we’re all made of stars. But he was entirely one on his own.

The lights dimmed at the restaurant. With a glance, everyone else around us were dressed simply but fancily. I could spot the sharp glimmer of a ring from a porcelain white hand that belonged to a tall, slender woman with red hair. The other table entertained three sisters who were in their mid-40s, catching up on stories and tales yet still sounding ever so polite. Right across us sat a couple about the same age as Alex and I. Their plates were almost empty except for a fashionably placed salad with sprinkles of cheese and pepper on the side. Despite looking like two models ripped off of a billboard, they looked uncomfortable in each other’s presence. The woman decided to leave after finishing her glass of wine. She was then followed by the man shortly after.

I was about to raise my hand at a table attendant for a refill of water, until a white sleeve with a hand holding a bottle already beckoned my call. I thanked him with a slight bow of my head. It was ridiculous how you can barely spot any of the attendants, only because they’re always just a step behind. The restaurant’s smiling service made me jolly. I finally gave in to the smell of the steak finally and ditched my diet. Alex suppressed his laughter as I finished my plate in merely minutes.

I’m stuffed, Alex whispered as we left the restaurant of dim lighting, sparkling glass and delicate silk. I was still surprised why we went for fine-dining. It was a slight change from the usual takeouts on Friday evenings. The leftovers that greeted us on Saturday left us excited. It was a tough battle with laziness. Getting dressed just to get packed dinner was tedious. It was hitting two birds with one stone. And in our case, two dinners with one visit. Of course, there was always the delivery line. But Alex and I aren’t the smartest people.

He held my hand as we walked to the car. The evening was pleasant. Fall was just around the corner. Summer was getting ready to pack its bag and head on for a holiday. The lights of the city were beautiful from where we stood. Vehicular and edifices blinking always fascinated me. They were like fabricated stars dispersed across the city.

Alex usually opened the door for me but this time, he took my hand and led me to the back of the car where we rested our backs. He seemed extra fascinated with the city lights than usual. He used to tease me for being such an old lady, giving meaning to nothing but artificial lights. Nevertheless, he always made sure to replace the christmas lights that hovered above our bed when several of the bulbs have bid goodnight.

I don’t really know how to say this but um…, Alex whispered. He took out his phone and played the song Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra. Making sure to mould the moment perfectly, he decreased the volume but still making sure it was audible.

He went down on one knee and as the lump in my throat grew bigger, he fished out a tiny box that held a magnificent silver ring with a bright stone on its middle. He said, almost choking, Will you fly me to the moon for ever and always?

I was fighting back tears, also because my feet were hurting from my heels. Honey, I told him softy, you could have done this inside the car you know. Alex stood up and tackled me with his strong arms. Woman, I am bearing my heart and soul to you right now. And you said you liked these silly light things from up here! We were both starting to laugh and cry at the same time that it was getting ridiculous. Okay then, I said, one more time on your knees.

As he knelt down, I knelt down with him, cupping his face in my hands. His beautiful dark eyes were only accented as his hair drooped slightly over his forehead. He was close to crying as I was just. I pressed my lips softly against his as he held me tight and close. Yes baby, I whispered, let’s fly to the moon together and always. With snot ruining our attempt to look red-carpet classy, he wore the ring around my finger.

He broke into a large cry of “whoo” into the distance that I had to tackle him from the back to shut up. An hour was spent outside the car with the city as our witness to a new chapter of our lives that was about to unfold. I held his hand tight in mine, caressing the ring with the other. With those countless dinner takeouts, sloppy living and playing Playstation games after work, we both probably knew all this time that the ring was always meant to be there.


I could remember the way the empty, flavored tea bottles glistened under the last sun’s ray before it completely settled in the West. Packs of chinese leftovers littering the patio always left the neighbours disgruntled. The stain on the wide, porch chair was when Igo knocked over some soy sauce, which Jim tried to remove. I remember it splatting all over Hem’s new purse as well. The evening would consist of talking about plans after college and traveling to Taiwan, where the lush trees and hued flowers made you feel like jumping right into a storybook. Gary was able to make everyone envious with his four-day trip to Taipei. Most of all, the food was enticing that we had to order another round of packed chinese dinner that evening.

I haven’t heard from Igo, Hem and Gary in years. Even Jim misses the spritely bunch. We miss the way the skies laughed with us. Sometimes, I could hear the echoes of Hem’s gentle laughter, Gary’s snoring and Igo’s ridiculous hiccuping. Maybe the stars that night were able to pocket a fraction of those beautiful moments. For which I’m heavily thankful for.


Even when the lights are out and there is no sound, I find myself dancing in the dark.
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